My violent dreams

Ok i thought it’d be fun to keep a dream diary here.
Recently - punched D**** till he bled from the nose.
Wielded a key and hook E*** until i tore his face with blood seeping.
Hooked M*** till he knocked out at a rooftop.

你们要快乐

fucking mental breakdown. since school started, always dreaded going cause idk anyone. 99% of those i’m close to are in either sp/np, even tp/rp. and first day of school saw you in lecture, gan pua shag nvr even say hi.

then today, finally got to read everything after so many months. guess i realised how little i meant to you, how you’ve already moved on. made me feel so guilty about the past. i know i was abit selfish, my decisions were slightly irrational and rash. but then again, i thought of how you were the one who asked me to move on, who totally forgot about it. like a fucking stab in the heart.

after reading and reading, thinking and thinking, emotions today were on a down. kept smoking to try and avoid all those thoughts. and when i reached home, started gaming. gaming halfway, suddenly just broke down like fuck? am i nuts? tears during gaming? i guess it just suddenly struck me, after bottling it up for so long, the anguish took over me.

and now im starting to think if maybe i have that D problem again. fuck

the fake smile

an average boy. he brandished regular smiles when conversed with, and spoke seemingly with no hesitance or worries. then, as he wore a seemingly emotion voided face he would, the exterior mask broke. all of a sudden, a few drops of tears just rolled down like a string of broken pearls, still maintaining the apparent happiness, with all lugubrious emotions concealed. it then started to surface as the tears wouldnt stop.

how a person can look like he or she is completely fine and unfeeling, yet inside they are completely broken, with all negative emotions hidden from others.

months

months since i’ve felt so fucked up that i need to rant it here

2010, its coming to an end. time flies, around this time a year ago i stumbled across some random girl who i fell for. and months later got over upon falling for someone else. april 6, wonder if you still remember the day? its already mid december now, more than 8 months since the day. so much has happened, and finally perhaps the story has ended with this cold silence you brought about. changed so much this year, much more mature than last year, always used made my parents worry cause of my attitude and what i do outside. if there was a day/month i could go back to, it’ll definitely be august, 21st august. didnt expect the surprise at all really. was so fucking down during that period that the surprise party felt like a dream. i was planning to just karaoke then go smoke and drink later in the night. so many people came down, friends i’d not expect to come. brothers from mg, all over the Singapore. cousins. parents. most those i cared about.(i have brothers missing wtf?) it was really one day i felt loved and cared for. despite all that, i did manage to realise instantly that something was missing at the surprise, perhaps someone, someone special. you still deceived me till night, telling me all sorts of things like you were at vivo while you were just a matter of a few metres away from me. suddenly you appeared, i was omgwtfbbq man. at that time i thought i wouldnt get to see you. most of all, i hugged the girl that i loved. although we no longer speak, i still think of you every day. hoping some day we’ll be able to face each other again. thanks ah brothers for the pressure you all gave ^^V

PS:where the fuck are you michael. i remember we first met in thailand LOL. probably 5 years since we’ve first met, 3 years since i’ve seen you.

and i’ll be holding on to you forever

unless you tell me to let go.

Back to teh lanpa all over again?

And not a single fuck was given today. Time to move on

(via myheartyourhand)